this is how not to do Miami...

let's start at the start.

Arrived on Thursday night and bumped in to Josh Wink et al in the hotel lobby where i was staying, and where they were staying too... they invited me to dinner in 15 minutes, so i dumped my bags, had a quick shower, and off i popped... Got drunk at the dinner very quickly (let's call it jetlag) and ended off the evening of tapas and vino by swapping 'facts' with people. My favourite fact, and the only one i can seem to ever remember, is 'did you know that you can't lick your own elbow'... i had steve bug really, really trying to prove this one wrong, he almost did, mais non. he could not.

okay so i didnt really end it here.

from here, i joined, josh, ovum label manager matt and two other dudes at the grass party for tommie sunshine... wooooow. whilst he played some mental gabba trance shit inside... i listened to hall and oates outside :) from here got a lift in a massive range rover thing (so pimp, so miami) to the minus party. stayed for a bit of troy pierce, had a little dance and then went to a much more important party to meet my friends. yes. a strip bar.

the dude of gigolo (mr gigolo or mr hell to some people), dj hell, came up with the ingenious idea to hold his miami party at the goldrush.. i knew it was a strip bar, but i dont think i fully 'got it' (although i was here a few years ago and ended up comedy pole dancing myself, but that's another story). met my trusty friend 'Rave' and Fiona and Nathan from the Whip outside and 10 minutes later we were inside, drinking white russians and putting dollar bills down stripper's knickers... ace fun!

from here we popped over the road to Space and the beginning of my demise. managed to get in after a lot of blagging (the list closed 10 minutes before we got there).. managed to catch the end of Tiefschwarz's set and was great to see them! nicked some rich people's drinks, bumped into Luciano and that's my last memory... next thing i know im in the hotel lobby of the Manderin, when i was staying at the Mondrion, trying to get hold of Rave and tell her to let me upstairs into our room... i'd lost my room key, blackberry and purse and had no idea how to find her. the receptionists eventually 'got it' and told me and my taxi driver (who came in with me to make sure i didnt do a runner) that i was in the wrong hotel... found my way back to the mondrion, found rave and the dudes from the whip asleep in bed... woke them up and told them i was coming with them to ultra fest. of course! ... i later found out that i had fallen asleep on a sofa in space and the bouncers had ejected me, nice!

changed clothes into my amazing peacock Kaftan and off we popped in The Whip tour bus to ultra fest. i think by this point it was around 10am so it was just people setting up their equipment onstage, which is actually quite a buzz to be around. hung out in the tour bus, got Fiona to draw a unicorn on my arse, as i have plans to get a tattoo of one there, and had a mini sleep before they went on stage... it was decided that when they went on stage, i was to be the backing dancer, and so i did! i stood behind fi and every time her hair went swinging as she bashed them drums, so did mine. best part was after, when i walked off whilst they dismantled and i had four people tell me 'good set'. hehe. thanks i really did a lot.

from here, they went off to do another gig and i went to see josh wink play... hung out with josh, the crew and D'Julz (who looks like david guetta) then went to see luciano and loco dice and carl cox etc in carl's arena... from here it got blurry, i remember seeing david guetta come running on stage with the black eyed peas in the main arena, riton play in an obscure arena, and the next thing i see the lovely whip again, who saved my arse totally. At which point i fell asleep on a grass hill and they got their tour manager to take me back to my hotel. i was so asleep he had to carry me to the lobby, where josh and his girlfriend, also named kim, found me moaning at security and took me to their room to sleep on their sofa! life savers!

so this was the end of day 1 / rolled into day 2.


saturday morning i woke very early and found my way to my room (had still lost my room key and rave was out when i first got back)... slept for a bit more and then hung out by the pool all day, catching up with some peoples in the process (loads of people were staying there!)... decided i would take it easy this night (i had already missed half the parties, including erol alkan's, the night before anyways).... popped to the beatport pool party in the day and saw hell, radio slave and damien lazarus play and then came back to the news that fiona was coming to the hotel and was 'up for it'... which meant game over. fiona, nathan and bruce arrived, we hung out at the jezebel party, then went to the innervisions party for a bit of dixon, then to nic fanciulli's party... and that's my last memory until i 'came round' swimming in the ocean with fiona, nathan, simian mobile disco and some other peoples, none of which i had met before! had some sand fights with fi, ran around a bit, took some photos and then went to round off at sunday school for degenerates. due to me not having a phone, none of us could get in. so they all made me leave with them, so i did but then decided to go back. went back and spent the day walking around in heels and my red 'prom dress' dancing and having a laugh to the likes of paul and toddy from ra, goli, guy gerber, steve bug, bugged marco corola, and i cant remember who else. was a very nice end of miami fun party, although the rain was a bit rainy.

and finally, around 9pm, as the sun was going down, i was last spotted with my shoes off, walking down the street trying to hail a cab.... zing.